The Village Isn't Gone, We Just Stopped Asking It In

Modern life loves a polished story, especially in the age of social media where highlight reels of others lives flood our screens. It can seem as though everyone is doing it all: the job, the kids, the home, the calendar, and somehow doing it well. “If they can juggle it all, why can’t I?” many of us have found ourselves asking.

Heres the truth. No one can do it alone for long, and we’re not supposed to. To truly thrive is to be surrounded and supported. For most of history, care was shared between households, extended families, neighbors, schools, and communities. Regular acts of intimate, everyday support once wove the fabric of daily life. But somewhere along the way, things shifted, and we inherited a different script. This new script is one that demands we keep up with what we see online, balance more than ever, and prove we can handle it all. In addition, we endured required isolation from the Covid-19 pandemic that lingered for years while the cultural idea that adding more to ones plate equals success, intensified.

At powers that be, we exist to rewrite that script and to remind people that asking for help isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom. It’s how capable people stay grounded and thriving.

Why asking for help feels harder than it should

• Many of us misread how willing people are to actually help. Studies show we chronically underestimate others’ willingness to say yes, when the truth is, helpers feel more positive about helping than we predict. We carry an internal “don’t bother them” story that simply isn’t true.

• We worry help-seeking will make us look less capable. In some cultures and workplaces, there are real social costs to asking, so people default to over-functioning instead.

• We’ve lost some of the natural on-ramps to connection. Americans today report fewer close friends and less time with friends than a generation ago. When the everyday touchpoints shrink, so does casual support. 

• Many of us are comfortable advocating hard for a child, partner, or team, and strangely reluctant to advocate for ourselves. Research on negotiation shows people (especially women) push more assertively for others, than for themselves, because it feels more socially acceptable. That same dynamic shows up with help: asking on someone else’s behalf feels easy; asking for ourselves can feel risky. Naming this bias is the first step to changing it. 

Social media & stigma around asking for help

• As we all know, fear of judgment looms large. When scrolling through platforms like Instagram or Facebook, we are bombarded with images of happy, successful people, seemingly thriving. When we compare our struggles to their highlights, it's easy to start feeling inadequate. This comparison fosters shame and makes reaching out for support even more difficult.

• For instance, a study by Pew Research Center indicated that 55% of social media users feel pressure to present a polished version of their life, intensifying feelings of inadequacy when we can't match that image. This perception of normalcy can discourage individuals from seeking help, making them believe their struggles are unique or a personal failure.

Rebuilding our villages

Despite the challenges posed by modern life and social media, there are actionable ways to rebuild our support networks. Here are some practical steps to consider:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings. Recognizing when you need help is the first step. It’s important to remember that everyone faces challenges. Embracing this fact can dissolve the barriers that prevent you from reaching out.

2. Start Small & Ask Clearly. If bringing up your need for help feels overwhelming, begin with small requests, and ask clearly. Taking small steps can boost your confidence, making it easier to seek help when you truly need it. Additionally, clear asks make it easier for others to step in confidently and for you to actually receive the help you need. People are more willing than we think, they just need to know that help is needed in order to provide it.

3. Utilize Available Resources Without Guilt. Many free organizations offer support, from mental health services to community groups, offered both in person and online. Professional support such as services offered by powers that be let you reclaim time, preserve energy, and focus on what truly requires your presence. Outsourcing is not failure, paid or for free, it's smart, sustainable living.

4. Foster Communication & Build Community. Promote open dialogues with those around you. When you share your experiences, you create a space where others feel safe to share theirs. This mutual vulnerability can deepen your relationships and create a close-knit community. You can start with micro communities - neighbor nights, classroom pods, carpool crews, parent co-ops - where consistency and mutual care come first. Big networks are lovely, but it’s the intentional, steady ones that actually make life feel held.

5. Embrace Vulnerability. Understand that vulnerability can lead to strength can change how you view asking for help. Sharing struggles can open doors to deeper connections, helping others relate to your experiences. In fact, vulnerability can strengthen bonds within relationships, making it easier for everyone to ask for assistance.

The Benefits of Asking for Help

Reaching out for help yields multiple positive outcomes for both the individual and the supporter. Here are some benefits of fostering this practice:

1. Strengthened Relationships. Asking for help creates opportunities for deeper connections. Sharing your challenges fosters empathy and understanding, creating relationships bolstered by trust and support.

2. Improved Mental Health. When you reach out for help, you can alleviate feelings of loneliness. Connecting with others often provides fresh perspectives on your challenges, improving overall mental health. Research has shown that those who seek help report lower levels of stress.

3. Enhanced Problem-Solving. Collaborating with others can spur new insights and solutions. By asking for help, you tap into the collective knowledge and experience of those around you, leading to more effective problem-solving strategies.

4. Increased Resilience. Learning to ask for help builds resilience. Recognizing that you don’t have to face challenges alone promotes confidence in your ability to navigate difficulties, instilling a greater sense of self-efficacy.

Final Thoughts

Asking for help can feel uncomfortable in a world that still glorifies independence and self-sufficiency. Many of us grew up believing that needing support meant we were falling short, when in reality, it’s how we sustain ourselves. No one can do everything well, all the time. The people who seem to “have it all together” usually have more help than they let on.

When we start talking honestly about how hard it is to manage modern life, we break the silence that keeps so many of us isolated. We also remind each other that most people want to help, they just need to know where and how. By normalizing those conversations, we make it easier for care to flow both ways.

The truth is, life isn’t meant to be handled solo. It’s meant to be shared through systems, support, and small, steady acts of teamwork. Asking for help isn’t a step backward; it’s a sign you’re building a more sustainable life, one where your energy goes toward what actually matters.

At Powers That Be, we exist to make that process real and accessible by creating practical systems of support that help people breathe easier, stay focused, and thrive in the day-to-day.

Asking for help isn’t weakness, it’s how we stay connected. We’re meant to reach for one another, to share the weight and the wisdom. The moment you reach out, the village begins to rebuild.